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Spirit — LiveJournal
Seeking...
Collision in marketplace enviroments.
Current Mood: rushed rushed
3, or maybe 4? recruiters contacted me all about the same job. I say 3 because I know those 3 for sure, the 4th could be coincidence but I doubt it.

It's a 2 month contract job with a company (I actually know someone who works for them but they didn't know anything about the job or why there's an immediate need - I get the impression someone quit) doing desktop support...it pays pretty good, honestly. It's in Fort Wayne.

I need to stay up here though for at least a few more days, I can't afford to fly back and forth for interviews and psych evals, so I may lose out on it. Chance at long term, full time job > contact job, I think. Need for monetary influx high on the other hand...

But oh, am I torn. I miss my lady very much and this is like a bandage to that. But tomorrow, I have my general phase 1 call/interview (wtf do you call it!) for full time job in fort wayne, so I'm going to see how that goes.

Also, what's the etiquette on which recruiter to accept if I do?! :)

P.S. Glasses, where the fuck did you go.
P.S.S. 5 recruiters now.
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I am a goofball.
Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: Signing in the rain! by Gene Kelly DUH.
So this week has really went well for me in the job department. I go in spurts. I'll hear nothing for a while, then bamf, everything at once. I don't mind the wait...hurry up...and wait stuff, but I would like it if something real falls out of the mix.

I am on p3? of the job process for a 911 operator/dispatcher. This is the one that I've spent the most time with and am fairly hopeful about. The fact that they keep speeding me along in the process doesn't hurt at all for my hopeful factor. Good times, this government stuff. I get to go in for a psych eval! This job, unless they change their tune, even if I got it, I wouldn't start till end of July at the earliest, so I'm booking through with other stuff in the meantime.

I had a prelim interview at a temp place for a network admin job. I hope to hear back from them next week. It too is a government job, actually. :) I am somewhat thinking that if I get the above job, depending on hours, I could still work this one at the same time. It might be brutal for a while, but I could really use the money. But it is a 'temp' job and not necessarily full time, so. Either way, keeping this going until I know about the above. I also found out something weird, apparently a lot of companies out here will only work you for 910 hours as a temp, then cycle you out till 910 hours falls off and then rehire (if they intend to do so). For those playing at home, 910 hours works out to be almost 23 weeks (at 40 hours a week), or six months. :P Weird system.

I also got asked to set up a phone interview to talk about my qualifications for a Systems Analyst. (helpdesk *cough*) That would send me back to Indiana if I had to do a real interview, but again...options are good. And staying in Indiana has some benefits...

But I really do want to come out here, if I can manage it. I love the area. Even if I ended up back in Indiana, I will come back for vacation or something. I should have done this sooner!

*prod Tina* :) She's been very kind about me temporarily living here. I don't know how I managed to get on her good side, but I am grateful she's my friend. =) I will repay her back somehow or another! She's put up with me gibbering in glee about stuff I'm sure she takes for granted (parks, pretty city stuff, lakes/oceans), she's taken me to a MLB (Mariner's) baseball game (which I enjoyed, oddly enough. Much more fun at the stadium than TV), she helps me find my way home when I go randomly out and then get myself someplace and I don't know how to get back, she appreciates my cooking, she lets me see her family, and in general has been a bestest host. She puts up with me as we discuss things like doctors and how to raise children, and where does the change jar go?!, and all sorts of opinionated topics. I'm sure she didn't sign up for that when she thought I'd show up! But she hasn't kicked me out yet!

Odd site note: some of the vistas out here are nice. I really liked wandering in Seattle the brief times I've done it, even if I don't like being lost much. :) Some of the bus rides are beautiful. Bellvue is a really nice place, for example. Not only do I get to see some nice city stuff, but I see residential, parks, shopping areas (there's a neat shopping street in Renton that I want to prod at, and I've been told there's a bigger awesome version with more stuff in Seattle like a farmer's market, etc)...I think I like a well run bus transit system as much as I like airport stuff for similar reasons.

Anyways, this is all a different sort of stress, but I much prefer this stress to the other. By other I mean running out of money, feeling like I'm taking other people with me, and in general watching my life fall apart. Motion of any sort feels very good. Especially when it is positive motion.

Right now I'm listening to music and crap I'm finding on YouTube while I fill out the paperwork for the 911 that they sent me. Yay forms. Tina is out with her grandchildren and her friend (don't know if daughter et. al. came along) to see the movie Up. I may go see a later showing of it when it's not peopled by screaming children. The movie looks cute. =0
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You have no idea.
Current Mood: confused confused
Okay life. You can stop anytime now. Give me a break maybe? I'm nearly destitute, I've had no luck in getting a job (but I do have an awesome new resume - here's hoping that'll generate some good churn), my love life is shaky, my confidence is shot, I don't much feel like I've been the best friend or communicator I could be to the people who've needed me to be, but do I really deserve to find out...

I envy you, readers. I can promise you with a 99% certainty that this isn't a problem you've ever even thought of as an outside possibility. I'm sorry to be so vague, I know it's been cited as a reason to not read my journal (sorry Cheryl. :( ) but this is very personal (I will likely write a very private entry about it - not something I do often, actually). I wrote it down, at first, but then deleted it. There are people who do not want to know. :)

I've tried to talk to Lisa, my mother, and Darryl about this today so far..(in that order) and I'm not having much luck, but that's mostly because I'm not entirely sure how I should feel..

Life is brutal. I know this. It isn't a 'feeling' entity. Things happen, and sometimes they happen 'just because'. Life isn't some protagonist in a novel being written by someone trying to teach a lesson. We try to attribute reason (karma, destiny, religion) to it, but there's just nobody at the helm. I feel so very matrix (hai2u Merovingian) including the, 'you do not truly know someone(thing) until you've fought with it'.

All that being said, I know I feel like I've pissed off Karma. I try and treat those around me in a way I want to be treated...I try and be respectful, mindful of my actions, my influence. I try and get other people I trust to look at my situations and get their input before I go off and do whatever. I know I fail, and I try to make amends for that. I know that I can not always succeed and that not doing so is what makes us human and how we learn. But then why do I feel like I have to get it right every time?

Why is it I keep getting smacked upside the head? Why can't the things that matter to me, matter to the things I define as my world. I don't need bob down the block to give a crap, but I do expect my family to care if i get kneecapped (for example). Do I fail some internal respect-o-meter? Did my weird childhood home break my delicate soul in some way that causes me to push others away, or not react in an appropriate manner?

Did I not succeed in middle school so now I'm acting out now, but instead of playing with middleschoolers, real life plays for keeps yo. :P

I don't know whatever it is, but I do know that I don't feel very equipped to handle it. I feel flabbergasted, let down, and somehow....like my reaction to it, including my completely baffledness means I'm obviously not where I should be.

But if this isn't where I should be, how do I get to where i should? There are so few decisions, looking back, that I would unmake. And obviously if you do the same things, you'll end up in the same place.

I need a new paradigm. I thought I was finding one, but I think I need new set.

P.S. It's interesting to read this entry and the entry 2 below about coincidences. Especially as the situation that sparked it is very relevant still, both situationally and emotionally. More to think about. Who knew journaling could be USEFUL. Feel free to contrast and compare. ;P
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Star Trekking across the Universe!
Current Mood: content content
Spoilers, thoughts, etc.Collapse )
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On the subject of coincidence.
Current Mood: confused confused
Current Location: On the porch, listening to the rain.
It's interesting, I feel, how themes seem to arise in our life.

Like...I was randomly curious so I began to toss in names and emails from my yahoo account into facebook to see who'd pop up. (Sorry Licentia, I don't know if that email is still good, but I didn't really meant to send you that invite. stupid button clicking.) And while very few people actually popped up under names I had or email it was interesting searching through. I found mashups of names...like Melissa Eastes and Elizabeth Melville and other such amusements. Even one Darryl Wakefield, which is disturbing for a variety of reasons. All these names are people I know...but then some of the names and locations (like M's exact name, in Australia, but that bubbly blond? Not her!) just...I dunno. I found it intriguing. A testament to the variety of humankind, while somehow still being 'the same'.

Maybe it's just because I'm in a thoughtful mood. I've had some good discussions about some of my behaviors lately, and feeling like I might be growing past and through them, or at least recognizing them in a way that's not defensive...which is both good for me, and the person whose bringing it to my attention. Sometimes in order to build up, you have to tear it down first...

Where it says behaviors, I wrote failings first, but I'm beginning to realize that I'm overly critical and need to redefine some of my thought patterns to not be so full of negative connotation. You'd think, given my penchant for using words precisely because of their nuance that I'd be more aware of this behavior in myself, but I'm not. And until recently, with the guidance of a few wonderful women who care for me very much (and one gentleman who doesn't really deserve to be in that crowd, but who does deserve some props for his effort) I didn't realize I came off the way I did. And I don't know that it became such a problem until I began to feel that I was failing my 'duties' as a human being to those around me. This job thing, and the recent relationship troubles I've been through, with all their precursors and resultants has really shaken me. I built myself up to a standard, and when I didn't live up to it, I didn't realize that it was okay.

But anyways..it's odd, because I'll have a conversation about point a with one person, then in a completely unrelated conversation with another person, the same path will begin to develop, though obviously with another view and these varying different glimpses can be both assuring and revealing. I know that rationally it's because you are perhaps in a receptive frame of mind, and these things come to the forefront, but its still an interesting phenomenon. Like suddenly realizing that you have a cough and oh wow there's all this talk about the flu on tv. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN and now you can't not hear about how everyone's sick, blah blah.

/rambly
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Mythbusters are awesome.
Current Mood: giggly giggly
The latest Mythbusters was an episode where they tested youtube/viral videos. It had lots of fantastic stuff in it. But the thing that makes me squee with glee about this particular episode?

They built a ball. Out of legos. 1 million of them. And they rolled it down a hill. AND IT BROKE UP. Hilarious. The guy they borrowed half the legos from is commonly known as the lego artist (http://www.brickartist.com/). I love his work.

Anyways. Mythbusters, I salute you.
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Oh Pizza.
Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic
I don't know how many people on this list know (probably most) but I worked for Papa Johns for 3 years. During this time I was primarily an indoor monkey, though I did do some delivery driving for a year on and off as necessary.

I got pretty good at the whole pizza making part. I enjoyed it, even. It's gratifying.

There's this Visa commercial on TV right now of an Italian resturant where there's a guy whose tossing a skin around in a flashy way. Across the back/arms...like, why didn't I think of this. *grins*

This Commercial:

I love youtube. Anyways. That commercial, coupled with my nonjobyness plus my love of food and especially Italian food...it makes me want to be that guy. I like the song too.

No idea why it's a Visa commercial.
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End of the week.
Current Mood: frustrated frustrated
Saw Crank: High Voltage. It is...a crazy movie. They obviously had fun making it, at the very least. It would probably be better watched drunk/high. Maybe both.

I can say that being here has left me nothing to do but look for a job. So that's what I've been doing. I've gotten a couple of 'nibbles', but nothing else. I had, oh..say 10 or more so jobs to go through this weekend...and then IE crashed. GRRRRRR. I at least took the opportunity to install IE8 and update drivers, etc.

I guess that's not all I've done. I've cooked some. Offered my anal retentiveness - as a result, helped reorganize the kitchen some. This weekend I intend to clean up the porch some.

I have an internal bet on if my host will actually sleep in on Saturday...as far as I know, she doesn't have anywhere to be, but she gets up crazy early on a daily basis. She goes out of her way for her family, and it's heartwarming. I should be as disciplined.

Speaking of heartwarming, the puppy is cuuuuute. They got one for her grandchildren. Black, lab/german mix. I enjoyed spending a bit of time with them. Their well loved, fun seeking kids. I'm sure they're a handful in general, but high spirits are a good sign I think. The puppy will be well loved. :) Nice house, too. Weird back yard tho!

Well, I guess I had to restart my job search on Monday and revisit all those job sites...so I'll I dunno, take it as a sign. Not sure of what yet, but hey.
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Old friends.
Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
I got to talk to one tonight. It was good. It started serious, then got silly.

Lately I've been wondering at myself how I handle 'serious'. Nothing specifically at this friend, she can decide that for herself. Mostly, I just...I dunno. It's hard to explain. I've been questioning if I make a good 'bouncing' board for those more intricate soul searching moments.

Anyways. Thanks for calling. I enjoyed it. ;)
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Hai, it's Seattle!
Current Mood: sore sore
Leaving was harder than I thought it would be. I can but hope it will be worth it.

The drive to IND was very pleasant. The weather was a bit weird, the rain and sun kept switching on and off, but still, I enjoyed it. I and Lisa held hands, sang together, and talked about life and the universe.

I got on the plane going to MCI (Kansas City) but didn't get a window seat, which is a shame. I like being able to see the stuff I'm flying over. Instead I got eyecandy in the way of a cute california girl (the flight was flying through to SAN - San Diego) who had absolutely gorgeous lips. :) Sad for me, I must have been ugly..as soon as I sat down next to her she put on a blindfold. I mean normally I like girls who blindfold themselves for me, but alas...

Anyways the flight was uneventful. MCI was..a small, quiet airport. In many ways it reminds me of the FWA airport, which is shocking. I was expecting it to be bigger or ... something. I did find out quite accidentally that you can get out of the 'security' area and that you can get back! which is good, but it was unintentional. I wandered around there, took a picture of a pretty Jaguar (car) that was sitting in the airport, and then back on to my connecting flight to SEA (Seattle).

(Sorry I was so close Sheree, but yet, so far!)

The SEA flight was much longer, I got a window seat at least, but I also had 3 screaming children to contend with. Occasionally I was able to lose myself in the book I brought with me, but not always. The kids eventually kinda went to sleep? The sunset was pretty, and we were flying with the sun, so I had it for a good portion of the time! By the time we were over Washington tho, we'd lost the race with time..and I'm glad, because Seattle is a pretty city to fly over in the night. It's been a while since I've been on a plane when it was dark out, so I'd forgotten how pretty a city/the country can seem from overhead. It's like fireflies or fairies, or some abstract painter took a sparkly brush and spread gems in a lazy wispy pattern. I was enchanted just watching the lights pass beneath me while my mind wandered.

I landed at 9:30 p.m. local time which was a shame because the airport looked pretty cool to wander around in...if any of it was actually open. I met up with my lovely host for this excursion (everyone say hi to Tina!) and off we went to talk about things and most of all feed me. :) Yay Denny's breakfast in a sandwich. It was glorious.

Tomorrow I get to play with a puppy and try and get my bearings. I need to find me a job and not think about all the other things going on in my world right now. or that aren't going on. Right now I'm feeling just a tad bit weird. And I need to stop being such a needy friend. But more on that later. I'm going to go back to trying to sleep.
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Brooklyn Arden: Baby Got Book
Current Mood: apathetic empty

Brooklyn Arden: Baby Got Book

This is amusing. And I happen to think most of my friends fit the proffered audience for this.
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On the subject of anger.
Current Mood: depressed depressed
I burn hot, and quick. What's left, when its done, is shame.

I hate that. I hate how I feel shameful, guilty...even when the reason I was angry was/is still valid.

I hate that empty feeling left over as well that begs to be filled...with something. And who knows what type of feeling fills it.
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Nothing to see here.
Current Mood: blah blah
MemesCollapse )
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Not quite 7000 kdph?
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Or not.
Current Mood: scared scared
Fired. 2 weeks. Life sucks. May loose unemployment now too.
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This may be important.
Current Mood: anxious anxious
I got a job in Indy. Yes this means I have to move. Anyone got a couch or anything I can crash on starting March 3rd?

P.S. Suggestions on where to find decent houses to rent that are in the NW side of Indy are welcome. :)

P.S.S. I got my second computer up and running again. I even managed to get all the necessary data off the old hd on it. Thank you Joe for suggesting I try Helix3. In the end, I didn't have to do anything fancy. I was playing with the tools, and the linux side has a very graphical HD space analyzer thing and a hidden system folder had a large amount of data in it .. turns out that my lost folder was in there. Took me a while to get another windows install to see the folder, and even longer to get it to give me access - but hey. :) And then let's not talk about me forgetting to make the new hd an active partion so it would boot...:)...or how many 'fancy' things I tried that didn't work...
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This is a test of the LJ bookmarklet system.
Current Mood: amused amused
worldofwarcraft: US democracy server: patch day

This is pretty damn funny.
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This is not an update.
Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
I want this job. I won't EVER EVER get it, but god.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7823812.stm

Seriously.

Obviously, I'm still looking. I got a 'offer', but I didn't follow up on it, because they were offering to pay me a ludicrously small amount of money for the work involved (not even enough to pay my bills). I know the point was to eventually 'transition' to management, but I can't do that to myself on hope. Sad part is that I think I would have loved a job in a small tech company selling a very specialized, and probably highly lucrative product.

Anyways, uh. Life continues. Day to day is pretty much the same. Drama here, drama there, wow when I can, avoid the snow, try to keep warm, etc. Got to watch my mom's face light up when she saw how nice a flat screen lcd tv can look in her living room...sometimes I forget about the joy that tech can bring. :P

I have a very serious girlfriend, but that's a very complicated situation (Which reminds Minsies, it's much less complicated now - I really should tell you, you'd get a kick out of it) except that it isn't, if you get my drift. I love her, she loves me...and....it's good times.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should do more private posting, in you know, Journal style, as opposed to this broadcast announce that its turned into. I've never really mastered the art of 'blog' where you can write about your life, and it be interesting, without it being a) banal or b) too much for general consumption.

Anyways, I know I said this wasn't an update, and it wasn't going to be, but once you start typing, you just can't stop?

Mmm, food.
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At least I had on decent clothes.
Current Mood: sad sad
Current Location: Home
What a shitty day to get fired.
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Consumerism.
Current Mood: bored bored
Current Location: Work
So in the past week I've got myself a few new shinies.

The big one? A new computer. Quad core (Q9450), 4 gigs of ram (it even has cooling pipes on it. hey, it was only 5 dollars more!), and a 8800 gts graphics card. Neat mobo, neat case, and a cooling fan the size of god. I got windows vista 64bits - I figured I might as well test out the devil (and once we learned to install directx drivers, I must say some of the aero affects are pretty snazy).

Things got more leds on it than I knew about when I got it - hell, even the southbridge on the mobo has a logo that lights up on it. The side of the video card even lights up...the computer is its very own nightlight. This was not intentional, but it is amusing.

I did not buy a new monitor, but I want to...maybe I'll find a good deal on a 24" widescreen monitor in the near future (Hrm, newegg has the 22" WS monitor I currently have on sale for 220, which is ~40 less than what I paid for it)? I dunno...I also need to buy a new apc/power supply strip thingmajig. And I want to buy a HD camcorder. And a HD TV.

I'm mostly happy that I put it together in one pass and that it posted first time I powered it up. =) Also that currently the cpu runs at a 'toasty' 95 degrees under what I consider 'full' load. *snickers* I obviously need to abuse my system more.

The other shiny? A new digicam! Let us pray it won't get stolen, and that it can take nice pictures well into its old life with me. :P

Also, pondering a trip to Cedar Point...likely won't happen, but I'd like to do -something- fun this summer away from here, celebrate the warm weather and the summer. I suppose I did get firefest..maybe I shouildn't be greedy (whatever did happen to Renfest? I need to buy me a lot of ... stuff. Stuff that contains metal and leather and pretty.)

And oh god another server blew up. /cry

P.S. Like my new icon? :) Sinfest is taking over...

P.S.S. I also got a new haircut. :P
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