McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin'," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."
Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'
==Zero - The Biography of a Dangerous Idea==
"What is man in nature? Nothing in relation to the infinite, everything in relation to nothing, a mean between nothing and everything." - Blaise Pascal, Pensées
Probability theory, invented by Pascal for rich men. What's he use it for? Pascal's Wager.
"If we lift the veil and look underneath...we shall discover much emptiness, darkness, and confusion; nay, if I mistakes not, direct impossibilities and contradictions.... They are neither finite quantities, nor quantities infinitely small, nor yet nothing. May we not call them the ghosts of departed quantities?" - Bishop Berkeley, The Analyst
Nature doesn't speak in ordinary equations. It speaks in differential equations...
Any number can be written as a string of zeros and ones; to Leibniz, this was the creation ex nihilo, the creation of the universe out of nothing more than God/1 and void/0. Me: And you thought Binary was just for computers. :)
Newton..for instance..used biblical texts to conclude that the second coming of Christ would occur around 1948. → Still waiting!
Mathematical plagirism! L'Hôpital's rule was actually Johann Bernoulli! Scandalous.
- Neophyte’s serendipity.
- Scintillate, scintillate, mini asteroid.
- Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
- Surveillance should precede saltation.
- It is fruitless to become lacrimose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
- Freedom from encrustations o grime is contiguous to divinity.
- The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
- It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
- Eschew the implement of correction and vititate the scion.
- The temperature if aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled vessel does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Male cadavers are incapable of yielding any testimony.
- Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
- All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
- Where there are visible vapors having their province in ignited carbonaceous material, there is conflagration.
- Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
- A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques vititates the potable concoction produced by steeping comestible.
- Exclusive dedication to necessary chores with interludes of hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
- A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no diminutive bryophytes.
- The person representing the ultimate cachinnation possesses there the optimal cachinnation.
| You scored as Monica Geller (Friends). You\'re Monica from Friends! You\'re a big fan of cleanliness and are known to be a little neurotic. You\'re a talented chef, but we all know you\'re a very talented eater underneath it all. You\'re shy at times but ready to take control of a situation at others. You want to fall in love and it is a dream of yours to have children.|
Which female TV character are you?
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Btw, my computer ate my americaupstairs post. I'm not happy about this.