Spirit (daimones) wrote,

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Do I know who I am and do I ever want to leave?

My thoughts on this first:

I agree with her on the state of things (read from the italics to the next centered line. ;). At least being there is better than not there at all. She, as per usual, says things better than I.

I have more to add, though. It's -hard- to see someone make the same mistakes you did, especially when you see where they've lead. Of course, they didn't have the benefit of 'you' and there is hope that they won't go the same way. Even more especially when you have such high hopes for the...result.

Now that I'm done being vague, I'll finish it up with: It's never easy to hold someone whose crying on the inside more than the out.

The subject of my journal entry is part whimsy, part wistfulness. The first part comes from an offshoot of the aforementioned journalists prior entry. If you're curious, go look yourself. ;) The second....

When I'm there...with them. My life just fades away. It's not like I don't exist, but that my worries are...nothing. Or...they're shared, and understood. I'm not certain how to explain it. It's just that lately I've been struggling with everything going on. Digital Design, Net 2...school in general. I want to succeed...I do. But then why am I sabotaging myself? So being able to relax is like a boon. And I universally adore the company, to various degrees. Except for those undercurrents where you want to grab them and shake them and get them dealt with..but can't. :)

It's a shame Jo isn't around more often, though, really. I miss her. Come back Jo!

Anyways. Wistfulness that I can't stay in that sort of...place...forever. It's not -just- that group of friends, but that feeling. That sense of belonging. Do I ever want to leave? Whimsy: Do I know who I am? I used to think I did. More and more I wonder, quietly. Very. Quietly.

I was going to end on that note, but someone messaged me just now that made me remember something.

Life is so lonely if we let it become that way. And so utterly overwhelming and depressing. Maybe later tonight I'll write another entry that's a bit more grounded...

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