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Funny. - Spirit
Seeking...
Funny.
Current Mood: dirty dirty
Current Music: Dennis Miller trying to act.
When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.

You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray.

So who you are callin' colored folk's???


Past work experience: I ran for congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. With my father's help and nearly the same name, was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments: I changed pollution laws for oil and power companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the nation. I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government in billions in borrowed money. I Set record for most executions by any governor in American history. I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of Republican appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as president: I attacked and took over two countries. I spent the country's surplus and bankrupted the treasury. I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history. I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. I set all-time record for biggest stock market drop in its history. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In my first year in office set the all-time record for most vacation days taken by any president.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips of any other president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history. I set the all-time record for the most mortgage foreclosures in a 12-month period. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.

I set the record for the lowest number of press conferences than any president since the invention of television. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of
mankind.(http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her). I am the
first president in US history to have all 50 states bankrupted at the same time. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history, while at the same time proposing tax cuts.

I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board. My administration has the least amount of congressional oversight than any in US history. I withdrew from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war, as prescribed by the Geneva Convention. I hold the record for most corporate campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.

I am the first president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community. I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I set all-time records for the number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. I failed to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building.

After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.

In a little over two years I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the Civil War.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years every economic category plunged.

Records and References: I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from National Guard. Records from my tenure as governor of Texas are in my father's library, unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed and
unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering).

Randi Segatore
Assistant to Professor Elizabeth Warren
Harvard Law School
Hauser Hall Room 206
Cambridge, MA 02138
Phone: 617 496 2024
Fax: 617 496 6118

Oh, it's so easy to turn on myself.
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