March 20th, 2004

man eater


I'm here, and I'm thinking, and I can write.

What a synergy of coincidence.

Tonight's been an interesting night internally. We'll start with my clothes. I'm trying to be more fashionable, as best as my poor ugly self can be...and I realize that I'm really sensitive about it. Not in a explody sort of way, just...when people say you could do this or that, or tell me they don't like something, I try to find a way to make them like. And me too, I'm not serving the masses, or anything. I don't know when it is that I became so concious about these things, but sometimes I detest how...slovenly, I feel. My skin is naturally oily and I hate hair is impossible to skin is a mess with pimples...getting a smooth shave is a painful affair (I'd like to try an electric razor, but I'm for some reason scares of them)...About all I do like is my physique. And I think my eyes are pretty cool. ;)

I just want to be impressionable.

Which leads into my personality. I admit, I'm a sarcastic, caustic, critical indvidiual. But I don't want to appear that way to others, I suppose. =) I try to be funny and off-beat...and I fail sometimes, but that's okay. I probably am a tad bit more profane than needs be, and I know for certain I'm more 'perverted'. It's a function of my natural personality. Someday I might even share. I'll scare off the plebians, though. Anyways. I'm afraid I'm not charming, that I'm really hard to get to know and scare off my friends. I don't mean to, I really don't. Now that I'm writing about it, I don't even know how to put it into words.

I do know however that I need new glasses. Spiff new glasses. One reading pair and one sunglass pair. I should go price them. Except I'd probably have to get an eye appointment too.

It's easy to be 'good' online. As someone said to me, it's a selective medium for those smart enough to use it as such. You present yourself how you wish to present yourself and someone can't tell if you're lying or angry or anything, because they can't read body tension, reluctance, etc. I just wish I could somehow be like that in person. And not be fake, but portray that level of confidence. Because even when I'm having fun, people think I'm not more often than not these days.

(next day) Woops. I forgot to finish this and post it.

Now I have to listen to the asshats downstairs and their shitty music. Makes me want to turn my speakers up and drown them out in a cacaphony of noise. Especially low levels one. Yes. Lots of bass for them.
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