August 13th, 2003

jeffneo

Come, look at what I've done.

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"As I looked upon what I believed to be the last moments of m existence, I felt strangely cold and dissatisfied with my lack of accomplishments."

"After all that you did accomplish?"

"Because in so many other ways, I had failed." ... "In my love for you, I failed. And in my own understanding of who I was, and who I wanted to be, and what I wanted and needed for a life that I might know when the windy trails were no longer my home...I had failed."
A somber way to start of this journal and indeed, you'll just have to deal with it. Just like I'll have to deal with having to rededit this entry and take out the current music. Such are the things we deal with.

So, to the subject first. My new journal layout. Everything but the colors, currently, and even that mostly. Maybe a better background image? I'm pondering going back to my old one, even so. There are a few things I wish to be able to do with this journal style that I cannot. Transparent backgrounds for certain things would be nice...the ability to use all the nice blank header space under the individual pictures for each entry would be another. Move some of the stuff at the bottom of the entry (music, mood) to there, at the beginning, where it should be in my mind...I happen to like my little 'flavour' text...I wonder if there's people to suggest these changes to, or a way to do them. I suppose I could really cheat, use this to get most of the style sheet, then change back to the old style, import the style sheet to the best of my ability and do all the changes manually..but I'm not certain that would work and even if it did, it'd be hard to do/maintain. So, no.

Like anyone reads my journal anyways That's what friends pages are for. :) But it keeps me amused, a little place of mine where I can pretend to be an artist of more than words, and even that a pale imitator at best. Which is mostly how I feel, a pale imitator. I was going to go into some detail about the thoughts and feelings whirling in my head, but I find that I don't want to put them to paper, as if that would somehow make them more real and scary than they already are. But there is one thing I do need to say...

You needn't be afraid to be her friend. I'm not a tyrant, at least, I'd like to think so. And if I am, you should tell me. Offer her succor, a key, or whatever else comfort allows. She is my Love and I would see her happy first, to the exclusion of all else. Do what you would and let her return in kind. Soon, I think, I will have need of your wisdom, so please, do not fear me. If you think you could help, then by all means, intervene with her and with me. I wish only the truth, to know. It is all that I ask from my friends. And I count you amongst them, silent, but true.
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