Spirit

My mother, no surprise, got turned down for a loan.

I got a 2500 dollar unsubsidized Stafford loan.

I registered for my classes.

Summer: 1st Term, Understanding Music. 2nd Term, Intro to Ethics.

Fall: Windows Networking, Web Design, System Design and Analysis, and Theories of Personality.

I feel -so- good about this. *does a small happy dance, settles down*

Finally.

Now I should go do homework so I pass, right? :)

I'd rather research grad schools. Anybody know any 'southern' (Hawaii counts. ;) grad schools that have good programs in CS? I'd like some sort of 'research' CS concentration, but right now I just want ideas, places to look.

Mmm. GRE's...*frets*

( Collapse ) - This result doesn't surprise me. And thank you nykki for the account extension. *snuggles*

I don't -let- myself be happy.

I don't know. I've been so moody lately. I'm vibrating, reverberating, worrying...

Why can't I just let go and enjoy myself. Let go of all the worry, the doubt, the fear.

Today, there was a cat outside my apartment door. Gorgeous thing. I wanted to take it in...it didn't have a collar...*lesigh* :) I did pet it though. (this random through brought to you by the incessant babbling of the TV.)

At least I still love to cook. Food is my friend.

Later this week, I have to go the library. Books are my friends.

I have friends, friends who love me, who don't *really* set out to do the things my mind paints in its paranoid wanderings. I have friends who are there for me. I have friends whom I haven't seen in ages past. Friends slipped through the fingers. I worry that I disappoint them, that their secret opinion of me is something else. I fret so much.

I fret to do the right things, to make ends meet. I wonder if I'm really this dominant person, or some desperately seeking person, yearning to find his place. I don't know...I just hope I can find it. I've found part of it...the part that counts...but I can't let go of the pain.

You. Yes. You. The asshole in the corner? Die. Dig your fucking talons out and go. I don't care where, I don't care why. But remove your claws and take away your stranglehold on feelings. They're not yours anymore. I want them.

I'll figure it out, even if I have to burn things to the ground and start anew.

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