Like...I was randomly curious so I began to toss in names and emails from my yahoo account into facebook to see who'd pop up. (Sorry Licentia, I don't know if that email is still good, but I didn't really meant to send you that invite. stupid button clicking.) And while very few people actually popped up under names I had or email it was interesting searching through. I found mashups of names...like Melissa Eastes and Elizabeth Melville and other such amusements. Even one Darryl Wakefield, which is disturbing for a variety of reasons. All these names are people I know...but then some of the names and locations (like M's exact name, in Australia, but that bubbly blond? Not her!) just...I dunno. I found it intriguing. A testament to the variety of humankind, while somehow still being 'the same'.
Maybe it's just because I'm in a thoughtful mood. I've had some good discussions about some of my behaviors lately, and feeling like I might be growing past and through them, or at least recognizing them in a way that's not defensive...which is both good for me, and the person whose bringing it to my attention. Sometimes in order to build up, you have to tear it down first...
Where it says behaviors, I wrote failings first, but I'm beginning to realize that I'm overly critical and need to redefine some of my thought patterns to not be so full of negative connotation. You'd think, given my penchant for using words precisely because of their nuance that I'd be more aware of this behavior in myself, but I'm not. And until recently, with the guidance of a few wonderful women who care for me very much (and one gentleman who doesn't really deserve to be in that crowd, but who does deserve some props for his effort) I didn't realize I came off the way I did. And I don't know that it became such a problem until I began to feel that I was failing my 'duties' as a human being to those around me. This job thing, and the recent relationship troubles I've been through, with all their precursors and resultants has really shaken me. I built myself up to a standard, and when I didn't live up to it, I didn't realize that it was okay.
But anyways..it's odd, because I'll have a conversation about point a with one person, then in a completely unrelated conversation with another person, the same path will begin to develop, though obviously with another view and these varying different glimpses can be both assuring and revealing. I know that rationally it's because you are perhaps in a receptive frame of mind, and these things come to the forefront, but its still an interesting phenomenon. Like suddenly realizing that you have a cough and oh wow there's all this talk about the flu on tv. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN and now you can't not hear about how everyone's sick, blah blah.