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Memories. - Spirit — LiveJournal
Current Mood: confused confused
So I finally had a spare moment and went through this big plastic bag my grandmother had given me two? days ago marked with "For Jeff when older."

It was filled with pictures and documents pertaining to me in some way. A lot of pictures of my mom and even more surprising my dad.


And I thought I could write this without crying. Again. I don't even know why it makes me do it.

There's pictures of my grandparents and one or two of my aunt when my mom was very young. There's a document in there that lets me know at some point my dad (I never knew his middle name was Karl I don't think) found out he had Scottish ancestry (lord Melville!). There's wedding photo's of my dad and mom.

There's my mom's commencement hand out. And the one from my Academic decathlon where I made champion at state.

Most of the pictures I don't even remember. There's me playing with this big poodle?! and there's some of my family at this farm place...and...there's a few letters from my mom to my g'rents...

It's so odd. I have all these pictures of past life, with my own childhood too...but when it comes to the family stuff, it's odd...pictures without context, but faces and people who are important. The one time I really tried to get my g'rents to talk about my mom's past they couldn't...

I wonder if now might be the right time. Or if maybe I can get my mom to open up while she talks about the pictures.

Or something. I don't even know where I was going with this. Just...wow.

Yeah. Shower time. Then food time. Then work time (where I will NOT obsess over that meeting I had with my managers - everyone had it! - and....).
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tangled_rhythms From: tangled_rhythms Date: August 2nd, 2007 07:10 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs bunches* we've talked about this before, but I think it's a good time to talk to your mom about the past. she's in a different place than she was before and I think that perhaps she might be able to talk about it. Your g'rents are wonderful people, but they're her parents first and they're going to honor her wishes about not discussing things. Perhaps it'll help if you let her know what a hole you feel you have in your life because you have none of the answers. maybe enough time has gone by that she'll be ok with opening it. it'll be hard for her, I'm sure, as there are probably a lot of memories she'd just as soon forget, but you should definitely try.

and crying's ok. it reminds us that we're human and we can be touched. if you hadn't been emotional about it, I'd have been very worried about what you were trying to bury.

and no obsessing about the meeting. if everyone had one, then it's ok. i would think there's something going on, but at least it doesn't involve you singular and would instead involve the company as a whole.

you're in my thoughts honey.
melydia From: melydia Date: August 3rd, 2007 11:54 am (UTC) (Link)
I've had this entry open for a few days trying to think of what to say. I hope you can get some of the stories from your mom. I realized as I read this that I don't know anything about your dad, even the circumstances of his absence.

Either way, I wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts, even if my vicodin-addled brain can't express it very well.
daimones From: daimones Date: August 5th, 2007 10:08 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't necessarily bring the subject up so it would have suprised me if you did.

Thank you. It counts, drugs and all. =)
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