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Tradition... - Spirit
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Tradition...
I don't have many of them. I can't think of a single 'family ' tradition, either for Christmas or New Years. I tend to think Christmas is a time of reflection and New Years is a time of looking forward and that's about it. I know that last Year was much happier than this year...

So I hope the trend is not thusly, and traditions do not go this way. Bri said we'll have to start our own, as we have many Christmas' ahead. A beautiful sentiment, but I one don't know if I can believe... She seems so sure...and I don't know anymore. Funny how things used to be the other way around. First she has to be interested in a life here with me, I suppose. Not that that judgement is fair. I just see things a certain way, and she doesn't. I can't imagine living like she does with someone you really love, which is probably the major cause of our problems. I've also learned that Bri does things when and if Bri wants to and no amount of asking or prodding will change the fact. So. If she wants Traditions, maybe I'll get some. I could always start my own. Hah. That takes initiative! And are their really any singular traditions? Holiday ones. None of this masturbation stuff y'hear? :P

I take that back. Or at least parts of it. I can think of a beautiful tradition I have with Bri. Setting up the Christmas Tree. It's amazing how you can string lights on a pine tree, hang some ornaments on it and voila. Beauty. Maybe that'd work with me...*ponders* ;)

What about y'all? What Traditions do you have? Why? Do you enjoy them? When did they start?

And when did Tradition start getting capitalized? =)

So. I called M last night. Was good. And you Do sound different. More adult, or something.

Maybe that's my problem. I thought I was all grew up and I found out different and didn't like it. I 'unno. Anyways, last night as most of my 'eve's lately was good. Until I farked things up and started -thinking- again. (a cardinal sin. press 1.) I started thinking about how I feel so damned second place. And that leads into something else M said...

Reasons for Jeff's journal being vague. Truth: It'd hurt me and others to write things down. Which is dumb, I know. I can make things private, etc...write. And I've been tempted. I do it with some things (declarations of loooove, rp, etc.), why not my own life...really get it out. Say what I feel and all that. Except I'm scared of the depth of those feelings. Both good and bad. Because they show my feelings, my thoughts..how secure and insecure they are...my weakness, and strengths. I'm afraid of being used by them...(more than I already am)

So that's why I'm all vague. I fear the big bad world is watching and judging me. And in the judging, finding me wanting. I already feel like I'm not worthy of people's friendships anymore, that I'm some hollow shell of a person that used to be supporting and supportive of me and others. I feel as if I need to pull away till I become me again, and am not so..broken?...So that old paths traveled can still be good and strong.

But you know what? It's the New Year. This means I can start again. Hah! Or at least try. I have one promise to look forward to, I know...one thing that I'm waiting to see how it turns out. I have Bri, who does love me, and forgives me. (She even said so!) I have friends who love me...whom I need to be worthy of. Whom rightly deserve Jeff the Way He Was.

Carry on New Years. Let it be Good.

(oh. And all of you wish Bri Luck for her interview.)
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tangled_rhythms From: tangled_rhythms Date: January 1st, 2004 05:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
for a change, I'm going to remain silent except to tell you that there's nothing wrong with the Jeff you are now. This one has things the Jeff Who Was didn't have in his character.

Nothing more.

*hugs*
daimones From: daimones Date: January 1st, 2004 06:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.

But there is something wrong with me. Character traits or not.

Though it's nice to have one person on my side. ;)
tangled_rhythms From: tangled_rhythms Date: January 1st, 2004 09:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am not arguing this with you. I will kick your ass and win if we start this fight.

So there Jeffrey.
daimones From: daimones Date: January 1st, 2004 09:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Jeffery. :)

And I need my ass kicked.

*gets dressed up in the only uniform he owns, a gi*

Bring it on!
tangled_rhythms From: tangled_rhythms Date: January 1st, 2004 09:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
*thanks you for correcting her misspelling*

*puts on the only uniform she has that will distract you long enough to let her win.....*

*beams*

you bring it closer, I'll definitely bring it on :)
vacillate From: vacillate Date: January 1st, 2004 10:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah, Jefe.

There's nothing wrong with you, not at all. It might feel like it sometimes, but we're often our own worst critics, no?

I wish I knew what to say to make you believe that. All I can really do, though, is tell you that I've known you for...lord. So, so long now. And I adore the man you've become.

Take care of you. :)
annida From: annida Date: January 2nd, 2004 03:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

Catching up..

How many years have I known you, Jeff? Years and years, at least.. 7 or 8 now, I think.. I'm not sure anymore.. maybe it's more like 5 or 6.. I really can't remember. I love you for who you are, the introspective, smart, intelligent, kind, loving peson that you are. It seems like all introspective people are the ones worse off, because they always seem to find the miniscule faults that others can't see.. Jeff, your only fault is wanting to make yourself better, lol *hug* and I love you even for that.

As for Traditions? I have a million little ones. At least I used to.. dan and I haven't been together long enough to establish traditions.. heh.. our life isn't very organized.. but back when I used to live with my parents? we had our little traditions, which I really miss.. like our whole family would get together on chrimstasses and new years.. at christmas we would all gather at our house, and at new years, we would all gather at my aunt Konstantina's place, which was a bit more cosmopolitan... we'd have lemen chicken soup at new years, and then later in the day, we'd watch the salzburg Strauss concert.. every year my dad and I used to watch that, I really miss it.. We really want to go one year, but it's sold out for years to come, and well, we can't afford it.. maybe one year I'll be able to get my father a ticket, but not yet.
I kinda miss those family gatherings. Oh well, you don't know a good thing till you lose it. hehhe.. Kiss
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