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Maybe she's right. - Spirit
Seeking...
Maybe she's right.
Current Mood: confused confused
Current Music: Emeril.
I don't -let- myself be happy.

I don't know. I've been so moody lately. I'm vibrating, reverberating, worrying...

Why can't I just let go and enjoy myself. Let go of all the worry, the doubt, the fear.

Today, there was a cat outside my apartment door. Gorgeous thing. I wanted to take it in...it didn't have a collar...*lesigh* :) I did pet it though. (this random through brought to you by the incessant babbling of the TV.)

At least I still love to cook. Food is my friend.

Later this week, I have to go the library. Books are my friends.

I have friends, friends who love me, who don't *really* set out to do the things my mind paints in its paranoid wanderings. I have friends who are there for me. I have friends whom I haven't seen in ages past. Friends slipped through the fingers. I worry that I disappoint them, that their secret opinion of me is something else. I fret so much.

I fret to do the right things, to make ends meet. I wonder if I'm really this dominant person, or some desperately seeking person, yearning to find his place. I don't know...I just hope I can find it. I've found part of it...the part that counts...but I can't let go of the pain.

You. Yes. You. The asshole in the corner? Die. Dig your fucking talons out and go. I don't care where, I don't care why. But remove your claws and take away your stranglehold on feelings. They're not yours anymore. I want them.

I'll figure it out, even if I have to burn things to the ground and start anew.

Chris Rock - You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
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alythe From: alythe Date: April 22nd, 2003 05:39 am (UTC) (Link)

*Falls over sideways*

Hehehehhee.... I think Chris Rock has a point there.

Don't forget, when you go to the library -- i still think you should read The Faded Sun Trilogy by C.J.Cherryh and Nightfall by Mickey Zucker Reichert. Somehow i think those are books you'd really like. Especially the trilogy.

Now as for the rest.....

*hugs you TIGHTLY* ... you're right, you have friends who care very much and who will support you. we're here to listen if you need to rant. i know i'm not on arcana much anymore, and i know i'm getting bad about staying in touch with people again. just grab me if you need someone to unload at for a while.
tangled_rhythms From: tangled_rhythms Date: April 22nd, 2003 08:04 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs you* cause sometimes you just need someone to hold your hand while you work through these thoughts. I won't offer an opinion, simply because anything I say won't change how you feel until you've worked your way through this forest you're bound and determined to explore. But just so you do know...you're normal Jeff. You're at the perfect place in life to be asking and thinking all these things. I love you and there are no secret thoughts with me in regard to my feelings for you. I'm fairly transparent. That's one of my failings/good things.

Must go please greek bosses now.
daxayl From: daxayl Date: April 22nd, 2003 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

lets burn together baby

Well...I need to do a bit of burning myself. What do you say about burning together? No, I don't mean the flaming faggot type of burning either.
daimones From: daimones Date: April 22nd, 2003 07:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: lets burn together baby

Awwww. Come on, you know you wanna Flame with me!
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